We Don't Have To Be Friends
Editor’s Note: This article was orginally published by Kristina McMillan on her LinkedIn page. It has been republished here with permission from the author.
We don't have to be friends.
This is one of the biggest professional lessons that I have ever learned.
It sounds harsh. Maybe it is.
When I am coaching women on how to be leaders, this is one of the first topics that I touch on. Yes, this specifically applies to women, in my opinion.
From such a young age, we are taught to be people pleasers, especially my generation and older. I would argue that in many cases we are more concerned about being liked than being respected.
The older I have gotten, the more comfortable with calling a spade a spade I have become. Stepping into my professional stride directly conflicted with being liked. There have been many times that I have taken a few steps backwards in the workplace. Not because I wasn't bringing good ideas to the table, but because I was holding back my passion in order to be liked.
Let's be clear. This was my own self-imposed restriction but it came from generations of women being expected to be likable and malleable for the comfort of others.
Then comes the magic of someone who pushes you down mixed with the surprise of someone who believes in you.
A negative review from my boss after one year with an association went like this, "You have been killing it with your numbers, but you are making some people in leadership uncomfortable. You are too opinionated for a woman in this space." The tingle of magic begins as I realize how wrong this statement is.
Then the believer who said, "You can be mediocre and have a wonderful life or you can push to be what I know you are capable of and light up the people around you."
Both statements within two weeks of each other. I chose to push.
I have continued pushing and, while that has had amazing results, it has also meant loss of people I considered friends. My inability to let something sit. The way I cannot just have an idea, but need to make it happen. Not to mention, my absolute inability to tolerate BS.
You might read those things and think that they sound ideal, but it isn't always the case. I know that I ask questions that might cause discomfort because I am seeking a better way. I'm aware that I can get tunnel vision when I have a good idea. It's also clear to me that blunt women are not everyone's favorite.
I have burned some bridges and that makes me sad. I've got far less friends now than I had five years ago. But those bridges were not for me and those paths were not to be taken.
To me, being a thought leader is a big responsibility. Part of that responsibility is humility in what it took to arrive where you are.
We don't have to be friends, but hopefully I will earn your respect.
About the Author: Kristina McMillan is a motivational construction industry thought-leader with over 20 years of experience in team leading, marketing strategy, workforce development, and operations know-how.