From Fearful to Fearless: Evicting Fear and Creating Your Path

I broke up with fear in the Fall of 2016. It wasn’t exactly an amicable break up. Looking back on our relationship, I realized how much I let fear control my life. We would argue over things so trivial that I now laugh at how invested I was in certain outcomes. 

Emotions are sneaky creatures. They lurk in the deepest parts of our minds, eating at the walls of our self-worth. Eight years ago, I embarked on a journey to understand these pesky emotions. I even tried to befriend them, hoping to reason or rationalize with them. But you can’t negotiate with terrorists, and that’s what some emotions are. They hold us hostage, yelling and dictating our actions. We become prisoners, unaware that we built the walls ourselves. Fear, in particular, loves to corner us and keep us there.

Think about it: “E-motions”. They’re meant to move, right? To be felt and then released, not to become permanent residents in our minds and hearts. Yet, we hold on to them. We evict self-love and allow other emotions permanent residence. We allow it.

But imagine if you were to show your emotions the exit door at the end of their Tour of Terror, where they’d upset every vibration and nerve of your body. Imagine leading the ride from Fear to Fearless; showing them where the ride ends. What could you accomplish without fear holding you back? Who could you become?

Even small steps can be impactful, like spending time each day saying some of your fears out loud, even if it makes your stomach churn or your cheeks blush. Challenge yourself to vocalize what you fear may be unpopular opinions or to express a new, changed opinion you have on a topic. We often fear being judged for inconsistencies and it can be difficult to get the courage to share a changed opinion, but remind yourself you’re allowed to change your mind on an issue simply because you changed your mind (as Miranda Priestly may say, “Mind changing? … groundbreaking”). Often this fear of judgement is the greatest silencer; being perceived as difficult by others seems worse than actually being difficult. Challenge yourself by asking “why does this matter?” – if your answer is that you want to be liked, remember the path to being truly accepted requires you to be truly yourself, and it is the path to greatness. If everyone let fear hold them back, progress would grind to a halt, modern medicine wouldn’t exist, and astronauts wouldn’t have walked the moon! 

As I write to you, sitting in front of me on my desk is a placard given to me by a woman in my life who lives her life authentically herself, loudly and proudly, and without fear: “Well behaved women rarely make history”.

About the Author: Elaine Tadić is the national aluminum product manager for EMJ Metals Canada. She serves on the Board of Directors for the Association of Women in Metals Industries and Yves Landry Foundation. She is MOXY’s fearless Femme Files columnist. Follow her on LinkedIn here.