Earning Your Seat at the Table
“Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn’t be that women are the exception.” Ruth Bader Ginsburg
As a leadership coach, one of the most common questions I get from individuals is, “How do I get a seat at the table?” The answer is simple — you earn it. Though even earning a seat at the table does not always mean inclusion. If you’re ready to earn your seat at the table and be respected while there, try these three tips on for size.
Pro tip #1
Change your perspective.
Though the table may have actually been a physical table in the past, in today’s post-pandemic world it likely is not. The table has transformed into Zoom meetings, conference calls, invites to dinners, offers to speak at conferences, gifts of personal development and more. It’s no longer about an actual table, but about being included in crucial conversations and exciting opportunities. A great starting point to “earning a seat at the table” is to reflect on what that means for you. As a coach, if I were to be asked this “how do I” question, I would start by turning it around and asking the client some very specific questions:
How do you define a seat at the table? Very specifically, what does that look like for you?
How will you know when you’ve garnered that seat? What changes? How does it feel?
What are the challenges you’ve experienced doing this on your own in the past?
What are some ways you can work to overcome those challenges?
As you reflect on these questions, what comes up for you? Remember to focus on what you can control. You can control what you say, do, and how you react to others. But you can’t control what others say, do and how they react. You can, however, attempt to influence them based on the way you show up and by focusing on what you can impact.
Pro tip #2
Stop waiting for an invitation.
I hate to burst your bubble, but there will not be an invitation in the mail. There will be no grand moment where an action occurs and you will throw your fist in the air with a full sense of accomplishment. This is all the more reason to reflect on where you want to be, the challenges of getting there, overcoming them, and seeing when you’ve arrived. If you can’t create your own invitation, then you’re never going to properly earn the seat. Take a deep breath and know that earning this seat at the table is possible and you are in control of it! Take back control.
Pro tip #3
Join the others by pulling up your chair.
Maybe your chair is small? Maybe it has a wobbly wheel? Maybe it needs a paint job? It may not look perfect, but pull that baby up to the table and join the conversation! Pulling up a chair means leaning in, engaging and being a part of the team. If you want to be included, don’t assume others know this. Use your voice, and ask to be included. What would it feel like to say, “I’d love to attend the meeting Thursday”? You’re not always going to get the response you want, but don’t give up. Keep asking. Or better yet, state what you want.
The more others around you hear themselves saying no to your questions, the more self-aware they will become, and eventually they will realize they can’t continue to say no forever. Don’t assume others know you want a seat. Tell them. Ask for opportunities and, even in the face of a no, keep asking. The squeaky chair will eventually get the oil that it needs to roll right up to that table gracefully.
About the author: Jen Maynard is the director of corporate partnerships at Ama La Vida.
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