Are you being helpful or is your privilege showing?
Why don’t you just get another job?
Why didn’t you just move?
Why didn’t you just go to the dentist?
Want to see what privilege looks like out in the wild? Here’s a bright red “privilege signal” that’s prevalent in the English language: the word “just.” Let’s get into it. 👇🏾
Break it down:
Any time you put the word “just” in front of a statement or question, your privilege is talking.
Now hold on! Before you correct me, the word “just” doesn’t always signal privilege. Like most words, “just” has multiple applications. “Just a minute” indicates you need time, and “just in case” indicates preparedness.
I’m talking about when “just” is used with an action or decision that seems obvious or simple to the speaker. In fact, the word “simply” can be used in the same way. Such as:
Why didn’t you just/simply get another job?
Why didn’t you just/simply see a therapist?
I just/simply went to the doctor
I just/simply took the day off work
I don’t believe people use these words with malicious or exclusionary intent. Nonetheless, its usage signals their privilege.
These questions or statements convey access to resources and confidence in a system that usually works… for them. But the simple (yes, I wrote that on purpose!) truth is that many people do not have the same access or confidence.
A decision that seems simple and obvious to you may be out-of-the-question for someone else. Here’s an example:
Your tooth hurts when you eat crunchy food. It gets worse and worse, until you can barely chew or sleep for the pain. Ultimately, you need a crown for what was, months ago, a small cavity.
“Why didn’t you just go to the dentist?”
Because you couldn’t. You couldn’t take time off of work, because you used all your sick time when your kids were sick, so you have to wait until the new year when your sick time restarts. And even if you had time off, it would take hours on public transit to get to the dentist. Who would watch your kids? What about the co-pay? What if you need to come back for a follow up visit?
I cannot overemphasize how many people – yes, even your coworkers – are stuck. They can’t “just” get another job. When would they interview, without alerting their micromanaging boss?
They can’t “just” move to a better school district, because they can’t afford to lose their public housing. They can’t “just” see a therapist. When would they go? How would they pay for it?
Do Something Different:
You can’t fix all the problems. You can’t facilitate everyone’s dentist appointments. But you CAN increase your awareness and empathy, and offer to help:
Become aware of your language. Experiment with noticing when you say or ask questions using “just.” Can you suss out the privilege that’s talking? Can you imagine how someone else might be stuck in this situation? This awareness game is great to play with a close friend, partner, or coworker. There’s no need to be hard on yourself; you’re not doing anything wrong. Instead, be curious about what you learn about yourself.
Educate yourself. It’s not not a good time to strengthen your empathy muscles and expand your awareness. My Unconscious Bias and Addressing Unconscious Bias as a Leader courses are great places to start.
Offer support. Human culture and support circles have changed in the last century. Many of us don’t live near extended family nor belong to religious communities, and may feel isolated or under-resourced. Many people feel uncomfortable asking for help, for fear of imposing or exposing their struggles. One of the most moving and connecting things we can do for one another is offer support, freely and without strings. Could you offer to watch your coworker’s kids for an afternoon? Bring a simple meal after a baby is born or an illness? Offer a ride home? Transfer your extra sick time or PTO to a colleague, if your company allows it (and if your company doesn’t, can you suggest a policy change)? Even the simple things – an invitation to lunch, genuine curiosity about another’s well being – goes a long way towards building community and helping your coworkers feel welcomed and supported at work.
I hope you’ll try some of the suggestions provided and if you, I’d love to hear about it. You can find me on LinkedIn and send me note. I’ve been writing for a quite a while so if you’re not a current subscriber to my work, thank you. If you’re a newer subscriber, thank you and welcome to the community!
Let me know in the comments: what’s your favorite thing about Simply Diversity? And what topics would you like us to cover in the future? I’d love to get your feedback so I can keep making this newsletter valuable and actionable.
About the author: Stacey Gordon is a Bias Disrupter and an unapologetic evangelist for inclusion. As the Founder of Rework Work, she anchors action using change management principles while facilitating mindset shifts. She is a global keynote speaker, Top Voice on LinkedIn and a popular LinkedIn Learning [IN]structor with nearly two million unique learners enjoying her courses.
Want to work with Stacey live? Consider booking her for your next keynote, leadership development meeting or consulting engagement.