The Entree
And just like that, I was a manager at one of the top metals companies and a director on three boards, had a beautiful home, perfect angels for children, and a picket fence.
Right.
With all due respect to Ms. Bradshaw, the idea that any woman had things happen “just like that” is a fallacy so far removed from reality that it makes Cinderella look feasible. But don’t get me started on the Disney persuasion of princesses. We can talk about those later, just us girls.
The Backdrop
I grew up in the Southern Midwest. Cue the blowing of corn fields, raucous bombs bursting in air during 4th of July celebrations, and the ever-loved, can-do, “Git R Dun” mantra that embodies most of us who come from that region. Pageants, floats, and cheerleading were my boxes of choice. I didn’t realize, however, that it was because the boxes to choose from were so limited. As I grew older (and marginally wiser), I came to believe that I somehow didn’t fit in there. I simply saw things differently than those around me in that small town.
In my late 20s, I moved to Canada, single mother and toddler in tow. For a moment, I felt I could breathe and that things were different. As my daughter grew older and I fell into an industry that didn’t exactly appreciate my refined wit and ideals (aerospace guys didn’t find me nearly as charming as I found myself), I wondered if times would change…or if I would have to.
Manufacturing and “The Man Rules”
In 2005, I entered the world of manufacturing. I was a reluctant participant being pulled forward (stilettos dragging) into a very male-dominated world that would later shape me as a woman in my (swallow) 40s.
I began to notice that the industry held opinions about women that weren’t favourable (it’s with a “u,” eh). Word on the corporate ladder is that we are “whiny, high maintenance, problematic,” etc. A chorus of not particularly clever or acceptable adjectives for a confident woman who knows exactly what she wants to achieve. There was a burning desperation in me to want to change those views. If I played by the “man rules,” engaged in their humour (also with a “u,” eh), and accepted a way of being treated, then I would be fully accepted as an equal.
It was such a lie, of course. Told to myself out of the desire to not be treated differently and fear of not being accepted or respected.
It wasn’t long before I felt like I was somehow a betrayal to every young woman coming up behind me. The ones that watch me through the glass windows of boardrooms, the ones that watch my LinkedIn page, the ones that live in my house.
FACTS
For the next several years I began to ruminate on what I wanted. Some things became clear – as women we get hung up and in our own way. We worry too much about small stuff. We think every little gesture that men make is somehow a deliberate attempt to minimize our womanhood. It isn’t always so and we really need to dial in to understand when that is. We have an obligation to pull our male allies along, to teach them the language. I wanted respect, yes (as a baseline – not the end goal), to lead empathically, but I wanted success as well. To feel each day like a contributor with value. That I had something to say that would make a difference. I didn’t want to compromise and merely be accepted.
I wanted to feel confident as a woman. To find my place amongst the many. Not as a woman in man’s world but as a woman in the world. Period.
Transformation and the Tribe of MOXY
In 2018, I hit the transformation button. I could do this, in this industry, in my way (No offense, Mr. Sinatra). As I went forward, I found that people responded to empathetic leadership. Listening with compassion and leading with transparency with the occasional cursey word thrown in does not minimize me as a leader. I could be a scalpel and not a hatchet. Mostly however, I realized I didn’t have to be like the “good ol’ boys” and I make zero apologies for that.
I am still navigating this and working to understand my place in it. My work is very important to me. Each day is new and I work with a fantastic team. The world is still complex and the industry still a changin’! What does that mean for a stiletto-wearing, buffalo-plaid-lovin’ paradox like myself? Unclear. But, I won’t be a martyr for the cause. Simply a messenger, hoping to share my growth in this excellent tribe of MOXY.
Welcome to the Femme Files.
About the Author: Elaine Tadić is the national aluminum product manager for EMJ Metals Canada. She serves on the Board of Directors for the Association of Women in Metals Industries and Yves Landry Foundation. She is MOXY’s fearless Femme Files columnist. Follow her on LinkedIn here.