The Day I Learned I Was Part of the Problem

I recently had an “awakening.” Not the spiritual kind, but rather a paradigm shift in my thoughts and observations on the job and at home.

I would consider myself the typical guy who never gave much thought to topics such as gender equality in 2023. I assumed the “war” on gender equality had been already won and that the gender gap was more or less closed. I, like many men, was raised to believe that a girl can grow up to be anything she wants — so what’s the problem?

Well, a little over a year ago, I attended an Association of Equipment Manufacturing Professionals (AEMP) conference in San Antonio, Texas, where I attended a session entitled “Maintaining a competitive advantage with your greatest resource – women.” Moderated by MOXY Co-founder Natasha Ozybko, this panel included women talking about women in construction, and more specifically, the challenges they face in the workplace.

I was feeling typical male-defensive and ready to dismiss whatever grievances these women were about to express — or so I thought. My worldview was about to alter.

I didn’t expect to be moved by the topic, especially to the degree that I was. I also had no idea I would soon draw parallels between my work and personal life. Yet it was about to happen. After watching these women speak I began to realize I was naïve. I wouldn’t consider myself a chauvinistic male. Like most men, I think I had subconsciously overestimated the fact that I was one of the “good guys” and that all this gender talk didn’t have anything to do with me. It became clear, in my view, that a man in 2023 can be contributing to gender inequality and not even know it.

As the women on the panel began their discussion, what stuck out to me most was hearing one of the presenters talk about how at her company it was an unspoken assumption, that after an office lunch, the women would begin to clean up while the men would stand around and continue to socialize. An act so small, so overlooked, hit me like a ton of bricks because I had unknowingly accepted and allowed this at my workplace and even home life! This very seemingly simple life detail that I viewed as “normal” was not even on my radar. I fell into the trap of thinking, “Oh, she’s just sweet and likes to please people.” I probably subconsciously convinced myself that she just enjoys it because she’s smiling while she does it and acts so happy to serve. But seriously — Who enjoys cleaning up other people’s messes? That’s crazy.

Or how about this one. How many of us have been in a business meeting, and the only woman in the room was expected to be the “note taker”? I quickly realized I was guilty of allowing this to happen at work as well. I was part of the problem the whole time and didn’t even know it. Not because I was a bad guy, but because I was the guy who was not aware. It wasn’t because I was doing something that made me part of the problem, it was because I was doing nothing.

If good men in leadership miss the small cues of daily interactions, you can see how gender bias remains unchanged.

So now I do think about it. As a man making his way through leadership in his career, it’s important for me (especially now as the father of a young daughter) to be more sensitive to the small, seemingly innocent interactions between men and women throughout our daily lives. Be the note-taker next time you find yourself in the conference room and the only woman in the room volunteers out of habit. Politely decline her offer and say you’ll do it. Or, next office lunch when the women get ready to start cleaning up, let them know thank you, but you got this. I believe it’s in these “little” situations that battles are either won or lost for gender equality. The sum of these small moments I believe adds up in the long run.

About the Author: Dan Maitland is a fleet manager at Ajax Paving Industries of Florida LLC.