The Best Leaders Show up as Coaches
There are many different leadership styles, but one thing we know for certain is that employee needs are changing. It’s rare that someone today would desire a leader that is command and control. I would argue that companies that still have leaders with this style are the ones that are quickly losing employees and have very bad cultures. Do these still exist? YES, sadly.
On my personal path to become a manager, 20 years ago, I reported to a senior manager that was very command and control. He was larger than life (literally) and there were meetings where I would actually see him bang his fist on the table and demand the actions he needed from individuals. Reflecting back on this now it almost feels like I was in a cartoon. It’s so crazy to imagine, yet I’m confident some of you reading this have also witnessed this behavior, and possibly recently.
As we focus on what we can do to impact culture, because we can only control our behaviors and reactions, showing up as a coach is top of mind. Showing up as a coach means a few things.
Listening Deeply
Being fully present for those around us. Not just hearing but understanding what they are saying. Paraphrasing and summarizing their own words back to them. Carving out a space for them to feel heard.
Being Genuinely Curious
Think of the three year old (perhaps your own) that asks a million questions. Reflect on that behavior and replicate it! Get really curious about what is going on and why. Ask questions that will not only give you tons of great information to support the individual, but will also make them feel that you genuinely care for them, which you do!
A leader that asks powerful questions will have a much larger impact than a leader that asks bad questions, or worse, no questions at all.
So what is a good question and what is a bad question?
Questions with only a yes/no response.
The problem with yes/no questions is that they only allow for short answers and don’t let us get a true understanding of what is going on. If you ask five yes/no questions your conversation may be over in 15 seconds. But if you ask five open ended questions you could talk for an hour. An open ended question will give you a better understanding of what is going on and how you can support the person you are talking to. Instead of saying: “Are you going to that meeting today?”, ask them “What meetings are you planning to attend today?”The dreaded “Why”
“Why” is the most important word to avoid as a manager, leader or coach. The word “why” can have a very negative connotation. I always tell clients, you can ask “why” to yourself, but don’t ask it of others. Asking “why” implies we did something wrong. Why did you do that? – says you did it wrong. Why would you choose that? – says you made the wrong choice. Find ways to ask why without using why. Instead of “Why did you make that choice?” you might try, “Tell me about your decision to choose option A over option B.”Questions that lead to the answer you want
It can be useful as a manager to use a leading question when an employee is truly stuck and you need to help them arrive at the right conclusion or action. However, If you are constantly leading your employees down the path you want, they will never discover the right path on their own. They will never have a sense of ownership and they will know that you don’t trust in any solution but your own. If you want them to feel like their decisions have value, then you need to let them make their own decisions.How can I help you?
“How can I help you” implies they are helpless. As an employee, if you ask me how you can help me, I will be on the defensive and assume it means you don’t think I can do my job. The challenge comes in when you know they really need your help, and may not be able to see it for themselves. How can you ask “How can I help you?” in a different way? It might look like, “What are some of the challenges you’re experiencing on this project?” or “Are there any roadblocks I can remove for you to allow you to be successful?” Think of a creative and more specific way to ask the question and avoid adding in the dreaded word “help.”
So listen deeply and ask questions like a child. Be curious about those around you and show up as a coach!
About the Author: Jen Maynard is the Director of Corporate Partnerships at Ama La Vida. She loves that she gets to upgrade leaders' skills in order to create happy teams.