Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud

As my flight took off for Atlanta, I stared out the window watching the Portland skyline fade. I was grateful the National Association of Women in Construction (NAWIC) invited me to address members at their annual conference. Thinking about the dynamic, diverse, and truly badass women I had met over the past few days I kept asking myself: Can NAWIC sustain the momentum? Can they continue to have the sometimes uncomfortable and profoundly important conversations that will create the path to reaching their goal of becoming a more inclusive and welcoming association?

Without a doubt, I knew the answers. YES.

Less than 24 hours earlier, to a standing-room-only group of women, during my presentation Women Against Women: Workforce Discrimination, I said the quiet part out loud.

“If we won’t give men a pass for bad behavior, why should we give women?”

By the end of the breakout session (which may have exceeded the allotted 60 minutes by a few…ok, a lot of minutes), the audience had raised questions about biases women have toward one another, expectations and consequences of “being her friend” when you just want to be her co-worker, the threat to our gender's progress in the construction industry when we stand in each other’s way, and whether women can effectively mentor other women.

We had crossed the Rubicon.

Later that night at the welcome reception I spoke to a number of women who attended the presentation. Over and over, I heard nearly identical sentiments: We NEED to put a stop to toxic behavior. We CAN and MUST do better! THANK YOU for saying what needs to be said. They shared with me struggles they’ve encountered, juvenile behaviors, mean girls, and cattiness. They also shared stories of women uplifting women and the power their collective voices have already had in creating sustainable change in the industry.

I was feeling all the feels: excitement, inspiration, hope, gratitude.

And then I met The Two Women. 

The conversation started with them bestowing accolades on my presentation but immediately shifted as they began a scathing takedown of a fellow member who had spoken up during the session. Admittedly, their comments caught me off guard. But weren’t they just praising a presentation solely around ending behaviors like this? I took a deep breath and reminded them that everyone’s experiences are different and that that woman had every right to share hers with the group, but they were having none of it. 

It should be noted that by this point in the night a fair number of cocktails had been consumed. Was it a lack of inhibition that led them to freely express their true feelings, or was it unintended, if not careless, comments that might not have been shared if the circumstances were different? Knowing there was no chance for a productive conversation, I said my goodbyes. Next time. 

In the construction industry, we prioritize safety. Year after year, companies spend exorbitant amounts of money and time training employees to ensure their safety as well as organizational compliance with all regulations. Annual reports are an opportunity to showcase the benefits of this investment. Dismantling women against women workforce discrimination is not going to happen after hearing one passionate and empowering speech by an industry thought leader and changemaker (nod to Brag Better by Meredith Fineman). It’s an ongoing dialogue that needs to be prioritized by women if we are to have any chance in this lifetime of tipping the scales in our favor to make this an industry that is truly equitable and welcoming for everyone.

At the 2023 annual conference, NAWIC provided a safe space to start the conversation. So yes, I do believe they can reach their goal. 

But what if the new goal was ZERO TOLERANCE for women against women workforce discrimination? 

Not long ago a group of early 20-year-olds bestowed on me the highly commendable title “Girl’s Girl”. It’s the type of gal who will do just about anything to lift another woman up, whether she knows her personally or not. Of all the compliments I’ve received in my lifetime, being known as a champion of women is something I’m tremendously proud of and I’ll continue to use my voice for our collective good.

And as Kara Hermann fabulously reminded us in the song she sang during the conference's opening session, there’s nothing better than a hard-hatted woman. This may be our new industry anthem.

Now let’s get out of each other’s way.