Not Your Sweetie
Editor’s Note: This article was originally posted by the author on her LinkedIn page.
Honey. Sweetie. Kiddo. Stud. Baby.
Should these terms of “endearment” be used in the workplace? How should you handle the situation if someone uses them with you?
I remember the first time a co-worker called me “sweetie” at work. I paused for a second, shocked, and thought to myself, “Did that really just happen?” The fact was that it did. At that instant, I had two choices: address it right then, or let it go and not speak up for myself. I personally chose to intervene, at that very moment, with a calm but assertive explanation of why what was said was grossly inappropriate.
Terms of “endearment” should not be used in the workplace and here’s why:
It is sexual harassment, plain and simple, and any such expressions are inappropriate.
Those types of words make people feel uncomfortable and disrespected. Sexual harassment can be subtle. It isn’t always overt or blatant.
Terms of endearment are demeaning and, whether intended or not, allude to putting someone in their place. It undermines your professionalism and you as an employee.
So what should you do if someone calls you “stud” or “honey” at work?
Stay calm. If you feel comfortable speaking to that individual one-on-one, address and correct the situation. Bring a member of the HR team or your manager with you if you are uncomfortable speaking to that individual alone or if it has escalated to an unsafe situation.
Provide an explanation. Some co-workers may genuinely not understand how this kind of language affects others and think that it’s being friendly. Explain that terms of endearment are not appropriate in the workplace. They are demeaning, condescending and they undermine your authority by treating you like a subordinate.
Provide a relatable example. This is personally my favorite and go-to method for illustrating why pet names are not acceptable at work. Simply put together an analogy, “I’ve never seen you walk up to Bob over there and call him Babe. So why do you do that to me?” Make sure to end with a question so they can hear how inappropriate it is in their own words when they try and explain it to you. The same illustration goes for huggers at work, but that’s a whole different article.
If you feel you need to speak up in the moment, a great way to calmly respond is “My name is (Jane Doe), not Sweetie. You can call me that.”
If harassment becomes a recurring issue, reach out to your HR team and your manager immediately for further steps.
So let’s leave terms like “honey” and “kiddo” out of the workplace. Save them for those folks in our life that we have personal and meaningful relationships with, like our partners, children and way-too cute nieces and nephews.
Signed, Not Your Sweetie
About the Author: Lindsay Swain, P.E., is a water manager at Meta and on the American Society of Civil Engineers Board of Directors.