How To Have Proactive Conversations About Gender

During my first few years in the workforce, I’ve been impressed by the support of my colleagues and leaders, primarily men as I work in a male-dominated environment. These leaders have created a safe space for sharing my unique perspective of being a woman in a male-dominated field and have offered coaching and resources specific to my circumstance and challenges. By adapting their coaching style to my needs, I am given fair opportunity to develop my skills and excel in my field.

Here are three principles which have guided these conversations, along with some sample questions to get the ball rolling.

Start the Conversation

The only way to begin to understand the experiences of your female teammates is to start the conversation. It’s best to be proactive: start the conversation before you suspect any feelings of discrimination. The best experience I’ve had with this was during my interviews for a position where I was asked if I had any apprehensions about how I’d be supported as a woman entering a male-dominated role. Simply being asked this question helped me understand that my leader was on my side, open to understanding my experience, and ready to support me.

Unsure how to start? Try setting up regular weekly one-on-one meetings with team members to check on their wellbeing. There are some sample questions at the bottom of this page that you can use to get the conversation started. When asking open-ended questions, remember that if you want your employee to share their experience of gender, you must make that clear, otherwise they may not understand what you’re trying to uncover.

Make Your Position Known

As with anyone navigating new terrain, it can be difficult for women to uncover who their true allies are. As you want women team members to feel comfortable being vulnerable, it’s your responsibility to create a safe space by being clear about your intentions. For example, you could say, “I understand your experiences as a woman in this role may be different from that of the men and it’s my job to ensure everyone receives the support they need. I wanted to open the floor for a discussion to help me understand how I can best support you.”

Remember you’re not expected to relate to experiences that you have not lived. In fact, research shows a massive disparity when it comes to perceptions of gender discrimination where 42% of women in the U.S. report feeling discriminated at work based on their gender (Parker, Funk, 2017), whereas men do not report perceptions of discrimination to the same extent or at all (García-González, Forcén, Jimenez-Sanchez, 2019). In order to seek to understand, male leaders say: “I don’t understand why you feel this situation was related to gender… it seems fair to me. I genuinely want to understand your perspective and what you’re experiencing. Can you help me?”

Don’t Let Gender be the Elephant in the Room

The one thing I’ve appreciated most from my male leaders is when they don’t make a big deal about gender. They accept that my gender allows me unique perspectives, experiences, strengths, and challenges, and facilitate ongoing conversations.

For example, when talked down to by a client, my boss did not force a lengthy conversation. Instead, he simply asked, “Do you think that was related to gender?” and then strategized with me to overcome the challenge. In this case, the solution was having me talk-up my boss to the client, highlighting his experience and expertise. Once my boss gained the respect of the client, he transferred that respect to me by deferring to me when asked tough questions. For example, he’d say “Hmmm, I’m not sure about that. Amanda, I know you’ve had the experience of working through similar challenges… what do you think?” This was an effective strategy in this particular situation, but moreover what worked for us was having ongoing discussion and support.

Sample Questions to Initiate Conversations About Gender:

What is the best example of positive change in the workplace you’ve noticed in the past 5 years? (ex – remote work option, focus on mental wellness, better work-life balance, etc.)

What initially attracted you to this role or to this company? Have you realized those benefits? Is it all you’d imagined? Since being in this role, have you uncovered other aspects that you enjoy? Is there anything missing?

What do you think about this role would attract other women candidates?

What are some things that surprised you about this role?

During what types of interactions do you become cognizant of your gender?

Do you tend to be aware of your gender, or do you notice when you’re the only one of 1 or 2 women in the room?

Do you ever feel like your job is made more difficult because of your gender?

How do you envision the workplace improving over the next 5 years? What would change to make women feel more included?

What is the best piece of career advice you’ve received?

Are you aware of where to find resources on the company’s policies and procedures, (for example, policies against sexual harassment and process for reporting such experiences)?

SOURCES:

García-González J, Forcén P, Jimenez-Sanchez M (2019) Men and women differ in their perception of gender bias in research institutions. PLoS ONE 14(12): e0225763. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0225763

Parker, K., Funk, C. (2017). Gender Discrimination Comes In Many Forms for Today’s Working Women. Pew Research Center.