Conflict Resolution Step-by-Step

No matter your role, industry or personality, you are bound to encounter conflict at least once in your career. As a woman in sales, I personally work through conflict on a daily basis as I perform financial and legal negotiations and level set expectations of the product. However, the conflict I encounter goes far beyond my day-to-day responsibilities. It's when I’m expected to take on administrative tasks like notetaking because I’m the only woman in the room; it’s sassy remarks from my male co-workers who don’t want to listen to a woman’s opinion. And it's fighting for equal recognition for my work compared to that of my male counterparts. Conflict is unavoidable, and it is up to us whether we want to use it as an opportunity to succeed.

Conflict can be very uncomfortable, especially for women because we are raised to be quiet, passive and cooperative. Here are three tips that helped me become more comfortable and confident dealing with conflict at work.

Embrace it

Conflict arises when people are passionate, so don’t shy away from it. Emotions only get involved when something is important to you or the other person. As such, ignoring or avoiding conflict could cause you to feel resentful toward the other person or cause the other person to feel unacknowledged.

Labeling

This is a great technique in times when the conflict resolution becomes emotional. Labeling is a sales technique whereby you acknowledge the other person’s feelings by giving it a label. It can be therapeutic to put a word to an emotion because it helps the individual to better process the emotion, and it creates a safe space for open dialogue about how they are feeling and why.

Take a Step Back

Take a step back… literally, figuratively or verbally. We can’t control the emotions of others, and sometimes conflict resolution can get heated. When this happens, we need to identify that this is happening and take a moment to reset the conversation. One great way to do this is by taking long pauses before responding to a comment, or by physically changing your posture by leaning back.

Occasionally I go so far as to say out loud, “Let’s take a step back.”

This allows you to pivot the conversation to a more productive track, rather than getting stuck in a back-and-forth. It’s important to remind the other person that you’re on the same team and have a mutual interest in solving the issue at hand.

Let’s illustrate each with an example:

The Situation
I was recently in a price negotiation with a prospective customer but he was hesitant to move forward with a final commitment on the sale. After countless hours on the phone, I’d addressed all his concerns and had asked plenty of open-ended questions but wasn’t getting much back from him.

Me: How are you feeling about moving forward soon?
Him: Yeah I guess…
Me: Are there any additional steps you need from me in order to feel confident moving forward?
Him: I guess I’m good…

The Solution: Embrace the Conflict and Label the Situation
I’d worked every tool in my toolbelt and needed to address the elephant in the room. I took a long pause, sat back in my chair and said, “I am getting the sense that you’re feeling apprehensive about moving forward.” I let that comment sit out there in albeit slightly uncomfortable silence until he spoke again.

The Result
Pausing before making my comment allowed the conversation to reset away from our back-and-forth and toward a conversation about how to move forward in the grand scheme of the project.

Calling out the elephant in the room created space for my client to open up about the real reason holding him back, which gave the clarity I was looking for. He told me, “This is a big investment so I am processing it, but please don’t take this as any apprehension of wanting to move forward. I am still on board and excited to start this project.” By labeling his emotion of feeling “apprehensive,” I acknowledged his feelings and showed that they are important to me. Using these techniques, it’s possible to neither shy away or escalate the situation but instead to embrace the conflict and move it toward resolution.