Be the MOXY Voice
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Albeit cliche, the start of another year is such a fitting time for reflection. I’ve always preferred hopeful visions of the future verses over-the-shoulder glimpses of regret. However, past experience is indeed the best teacher.
After over 15 years in sales of geosynthetic and stormwater solutions products, my career life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. I had dealt with major depression and anxiety off and on most of my life, with a steady increase in episode frequency beginning in college. But the battle I was about to enter was like nothing I had faced before. Functioning became impossible. I would stare blankly at the computer screen during work and struggle to answer the most simplistic of questions. I walked about the office in a zombie-like state. Making it through a full eight-hour workday felt exhausting, even with nothing of significance getting accomplished.
I had survived the pandemic-dictated remote work, the virtual learning for my elementary-aged daughter, juggling care for my toddler son, and the internal company changes as ACF Environmental became Ferguson Waterworks through an unexpected November 2020 acquisition.
But this mental health breakdown seemed insurmountable. After weeks of trying to power through on my own and with the help of an exceedingly supportive boss, I took a leave of absence intended for two weeks.
This became short term disability and then morphed into an unforeseen long term disability. I have never in my adult life gone more than seven months without working.
So, here’s where I get to the silver lining. In that time of leave, I immersed myself in professional help. The monthly counseling sessions and quarterly psychiatric office visits wouldn’t do the trick anymore. I had short stays in mental health units at hospitals. Talk about stigma. I tried about eight different medications. Talk about frustration. I cried. A lot. I slept a lot. I felt horribly guilty about not being a present mom. I undervalued my home contributions since I wasn’t bringing home my typical paychecks. I had no idea who I was anymore without my professional identity and sense of purpose. I was lost.
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.”
I learned my value isn’t determined by my annual salary or my job title. I learned the kindness of people. I learned the unmatched support of a company that treats mental health challenges the same as other, more widely accepted physical illnesses. I learned that mental health professionals actually do know what they are talking about if you can be honest with them and that things will improve if you trust the process. I learned how to get to the other side and that the only constant in life is change.
Today, I am incredibly grateful to have returned to the workplace mid-November 2022. I am thankful for the warm acceptance I have received from my co-workers. I am embracing both the mom life and work life. It’s a balancing act on a very tiny tight rope but I get by with help from my friends and family.
Asking, seeking, and accepting help was the hardest yet most vital move I could ever have made. If you are struggling, break the silence. If you are hurting, seek out others and don’t go at it alone. Power in numbers is a real thing.
Finally, cheer on your female industry professionals in action, not just words. Make a difference in someone’s life and watch your own blossom threefold. Be the voice. The MOXY voice. We all have one inside just waiting to break free.
About the Author: Reta E. Smith is a senior sales support representative at Ferguson Waterworks | Geo & Stormwater Solutions New England & NY.