So What Does it Mean to Be "Unf*ckwithable", Anyway?
Editors Note: The following is an excerpt from the soon-to-be released book by Demi Knight Clark, From Fearless to Unf*ckwithable.
So what does it mean to be “unf*ckwithable,” anyway? It’s not about cussing (although I’m really good at it, ask my adult kids). It took me 25 years in the trades, being a strong woman, and also climbing mountains, running marathons and doing crazy things around the world to realize it was WAY more than being a “badass” or fearless.
In fact, it includes a healthy dose of fear – what I’ll talk about in this book.
Being unf*ckwithable is a true mindset – that when you’re in a zone of impact and have a goal, no one is going to take you off that path. It’s literally your destiny. It’s also about putting the foundation in place to build that mindset. Imagine the mangrove trees in a hurricane – built with strong roots to sustain winds and weather. You’re building your roots to not move in the storms.
The Importance of Resilience & Self-Confidence
These are important concepts, and these days they are thrown around in circles in so many ways. Here’s how I interpret resilience – grit. It’s about getting up, getting back on the horse when you’re thrown, and putting one foot in front of the other to get to the goal.
I’ve run a lot of marathons, and the medals are what people see at the end. The big “V” pose and a triumphant smile (or tears, I’ve had plenty of those too at a finish line!) What people don’t see are the sloggy, sloppy miles for months in the dark, or the heat, or the sun – without anyone there to cheer or watch. An old TV commercial used to say, “what you do in the dark is what comes out in the light.”
So resilience and self-confidence are critical to your own personal unf*ckwithability (yes, I’ll continue to make up words in this book!) The more you can build, the more you will gain. I hope you lean into the dark through this book. You ready?
The Foundation of Self-Awareness
Understanding Your Core Values & “I Am First”
To become unf*ckwithable, start by understanding your core values—those guiding principles that dictate your decisions and actions. Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. Is it honesty, creativity, love, or freedom? Write down your top five values and consider how they influence your daily life.
A big part of my life was “being first” in my value system. I had a grandmother who was one of the first female Marines & Rosies in WWII. I was a kid of Title IX and usually the only girl on the baseball team in the 1980s. I was the only woman on the line in the trades, climbing to one of the only women in my seat in high leadership at the largest homebuilder in the world in my 30s. It was lonely. Ask any woman who was a “first,” and she’ll probably tell you it wasn’t/isn’t fun. It’s not something that they set out to do – they just wanted to do “the thing.” At their foundation, though, they have strong core values that guide a pathway to a massive goal (which is typically the “first” we’re talking about). They also had to go through a ton of limiting beliefs and bust right on through them. We’ve all been there – a place of breakthrough, where we’re ready to take a big next step. But we walk away from the edge thanks to the limiting beliefs that creep in. Don’t. Let. It. Happen.
Identifying Limiting Beliefs
Next, confront the limiting beliefs that hold you back. Often, these beliefs are rooted in past experiences or societal conditioning. Challenge them: Are they really true? What evidence do you have to support or refute them? Replace negative beliefs with empowering affirmations.
Practicing Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for self-awareness. By staying present, you can observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Start with simple practices like deep breathing or meditation. Over time, you’ll learn to respond to challenges with clarity rather than react out of fear.
Self-awareness is the bedrock of becoming unf*ckwithable. It allows you to understand your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors deeply. By cultivating self-awareness, you can navigate life’s challenges with clarity and purpose. I used to call it “being a baby vampire” when I wasn’t self-aware. Someone like me, who is insanely driven, needs to read the room before acting. Remember those baby vampires in the famous movies? They were bonkers – ravaging towns, super powerful, not knowing how to contain their own power. Being self-aware is understanding your actions and their effects on others – despite your drive, need for impact or strength in belief. When we’re self-aware, we can view “us” through a lens that is multi-faceted. When you see it, you can’t unsee it – and it’s amazing the impact it can have on others.
Understanding Your Core Values
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your actions and decisions. They define what is important to you and shape your identity. Knowing your core values helps you make choices that align with your authentic self.
Exercise: Discovering Your Core Values
1. Reflect on Meaningful Experiences: Think about moments in your life when you felt truly fulfilled or proud. What values were present in those moments?
2. Identify Your Top Values: From your reflections, write down a list of potential core values. Then, narrow it down to your top five by asking yourself which ones resonate most deeply.
3. Visualize Your Values: Create a vision board or a written manifesto that represents your values. This visual reminder can help you stay grounded when faced with challenges.
Applying Core Values in Daily Life
Once you identify your core values, integrate them into your daily decisions. Ask yourself:
- Does this choice align with my values?
- Am I living authentically according to what I believe?
When you make choices aligned with your values, you’ll feel more centered and confident, making it harder for external factors to sway you. Remember, no one set out to make history (especially her/them). They had a goal, dream, drive and determination to do something that no one else had done before – and that started at a personal level. When we make the goal to become “one of many” vs. a “first,” we take the pressure off (especially for women and non-binary individuals).
Identifying Limiting Beliefs
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or assumptions that restrict your potential. They often stem from past experiences, societal expectations, or fear of failure. Recognizing and challenging these beliefs is crucial for your growth.
Exercise: Challenging Limiting Beliefs
1. List Your Limiting Beliefs: Write down any negative beliefs you hold about yourself. For example, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed.”
2. Examine the Evidence: For each belief, ask yourself: What evidence do I have to support this belief? What evidence contradicts it?
3. Reframe Your Thoughts: Transform negative beliefs into positive affirmations. For instance, change “I’m not good enough” to “I am capable and worthy of success.”
Living Beyond Limiting Beliefs
As you reframe your thoughts, practice self-compassion. Understand that everyone has doubts, but you have the power to rise above them. Embracing a growth mindset allows you to see challenges as opportunities for learning and improvement.
Practicing Mindfulness
What Is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment, fully aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It fosters self-awareness and emotional regulation, enabling you to respond to situations with clarity.
Exercise: Simple Mindfulness Practices
1. Mindful Breathing: Spend a few minutes focusing on your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, then exhale slowly. Notice how your body feels as you breathe.
2. Body Scan: Sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes and mentally scan your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment.
3. Gratitude Journaling: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This practice shifts your focus to positivity and enhances your overall well-being.
Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Life
Aim to incorporate mindfulness into your routine. Whether it’s during your morning coffee or while walking, take a moment to be fully present. This practice will help you develop a deeper understanding of your emotions and reactions.
In Conclusion
Building a foundation of self-awareness is an ongoing journey. By understanding your core values, identifying limiting beliefs, and practicing mindfulness, you lay the groundwork for becoming unf*ckwithable. As you continue to develop these skills, you’ll find it easier to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and grace. Embrace this journey of self-discovery; every step brings you closer to the powerful, authentic you.
Like what you read? Pre-order Demi’s book, releasing in Q1 2025 at demiknightclark.com.
About the Author: Demi Clark is the founder of Spark Building Group. With 25 years of experience disrupting the construction industry: from throwing a hammer to founding a nonprofit to TedX’ing, she’s committed to helping other women become tradepreneurs in tradetech.